1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
2. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved and never will achieve, in its full potential, that
word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your
career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well.
Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in
the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe Daylight Savings Time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant, unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday.
That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are "above average" drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention.
It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built theTitanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine...they start out as grapes,
and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they
turn into something acceptable
to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them!
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